You still make my heart hurt.

Just went through my old posts and realized I am no where near as sad as it appears!
Today I start my new job!
My birthday is in one week!
I leave for California and Vegas for a magical journey with Dave and Jenna in a week in 5 days!
YAAAAAAAAAAY.

I'm lame.

This week I worked close to fifty hours. Both of my parents are in South America, and although I support myself minus my cell phone bill, I still like knowing that I can ask my dad for some support if I am feeling a bit squeezed. I haven't had that option and therefore have been absolutely terrified about money. I have JUST enough for rent and this next week I am going to be living off very minimal money. Since I start my new job tomorrow I have to wait for a paycheck and won't be making cash at Bravo this week. I'm pretty nervous. I think I'm going to have to reach to alternate ways of making money like selling clothes, plasma, my body.

My feelings have been so conflicted lately. And last night my feelings became even more so conflicted. I don't particularly know what Arvind was trying to pull with his shananigans. Even though he was past a healthy drunk point, things were said, and my mind got to thinking. I've put myself in weird situations with many people lately. I haven't felt close to much of anyone.

My birthday is next week and I feel like it isn't going to be all that exicitng. Which is fine. I just wish I had something to look forward to.

I can't wait for my mom to come home. These times are when I appreciate my family the most. And these are the times I just want to pack up and do the things I say I want to (join the peace corps, travel south america, etc.). Maybe I really will in a few months.

One day I will make a happy post, but lately I just have weird feelings and unsettling thoughs.