It must just be the colors

Peace Corps

2010-11-08T08:26:00.000-08:00

Is my current life. And will be for the next two years.

I have not been too keen on updating my blogger, but I have been updating my tumblr.
Look for me here: http://itmustjustbethecolors.tumblr.com/ instead !

Green Polo Dirty Pants

2010-08-06T07:51:00.000-07:00

My favorite bum on Broad St. outside of my office makes my mornings.
He always has the same thuggish ruggish outfit on.. ripped green polo shirt, awfully dirty beigeish off white pants, white high top shoes, and dirty brown baseball cap. I'm not sure what he does with his time other then attempt to sell newspapers and convince me to buy him a cup of coffee. We shared a snickerdoodle cookie the other day, and he seemed so pleased by the taste of sugar. He always gets really excited when I roll up onto the sidewalk on my bike.."YOOOU RODE HER TODAY!" He seems so beaten down and exhausted, beaty eyes, and a broken out face. Little man takes care of my bike everyday. I just want to give him the biggest hug and feed him daily.

^Things I will miss about Columbus. (all the bums know me and take care of my bike)

AMEN PRAISE HIM

2010-08-06T07:48:00.000-07:00

Love this editorial in the NY Time I came across today:

Xenophobia: Fear-Mongering for American Votes
Published: August 5, 2010

Leading Republicans have gotten chilly toward the Constitution’s 14th Amendment, which guarantees citizenship to people born in the United States. Senators Mitch McConnell, John McCain, Lindsey Graham, Jeff Sessions and Jon Kyl have been suggesting that the country should take a look at it, re-examine it, think it over, hold hearings. They seem worried that maybe we got something wrong nearly 150 years ago, after fighting the Civil War, freeing enslaved Africans and declaring that they and their descendants were not property or partial persons, but free and full Americans.

As statements of core values go, the 14th Amendment is a keeper. It decreed, belatedly, that citizenship is not a question of race, color, beliefs, wealth, political status or bloodline. It cannot fall prey to political whims or debates over who is worthy to be an American. “All persons born or naturalized in the United States, and subject to the jurisdiction thereof,” it says, “are citizens of the United States and of the State wherein they reside.”
People like Mr. Sessions, who pride themselves on getting the Constitution just right (on, say, guns), are finding this language too confusing. “I’m not sure exactly what the drafters of the amendment had in mind,” said Mr. Sessions, the top Republican on the Judiciary Committee, “but I doubt it was that somebody could fly in from Brazil and have a child and fly back home with that child, and that child is forever an American citizen.”
It’s true that air travel was not a big focus in 1868, but this is not about a horde of pregnant jet-setting Brazilians, if, indeed, such a thing even exists. The targets are Mexicans, and the other mostly Spanish-speaking people who are the subjects of a spurious campaign against “anchor babies” — children of illegal immigrants supposedly brought forth to invade and occupy.
Usually alarms about scary foreign infants are made by one-note zealots like Tom Tancredo of Colorado. But it’s a bipartisan temptation. Senator Harry Reid of Nevada, who berated Republicans this week about abandoning their principles over birthright citizenship, did so himself in a 1993 bill for which he later apologized.
Thankfully, the Constitution is sturdy. The birthright-deniers will not easily rewrite it or legislate around it. More than a century of jurisprudence stands against their claim that the phrase “subject to the jurisdiction thereof” (an exception for diplomats’ children and members of sovereign Indian tribes) also alienates undocumented children.
The proponents of changing the 14th Amendment also would have to acknowledge the big-government colossus that new rules would require, burdening all parents to prove their children’s status. New battalions of attorneys would gain full employment to fight over thousands of newborns rendered stateless each year, an instant, permanent underclass. Then there’s the obsolescence of all those civics texts, old movies, patriotic picture books and red-white-and-blue songs.
The United States has never had a neat, painless way to add newcomers. But our most shameful moments have involved the exclusion of groups, often those that do our hardest labor: Indians, African-Americans, Chinese, Irish, Italians, Catholics, Jews, Poles, Japanese-Americans, Hispanics. America has stood proudest when it dared to stretch the definition of who “we” are.
As a result, this is still the most welcoming country for immigrants. A few politicians chumming for votes in an off-year election cannot be allowed to destroy that.

Horrible No Good

2010-07-30T07:52:00.000-07:00

Very bad day.
And it is only 10:53 am.

Offended one of the most important people in my life for being careless, sensitive, and chatty.
Didn't make it to my 8 am dentist appointment.
Got lost for 30 minutes.
Had to pay for parking.
Found out the tooth I thought I had gotten filled, has not been filled, so I have to rush out of work at noon to have it filled so the Peace Corps can finally dentally clear me.
Losing more work, and more $$.
Feeling super selfish, bitchy, and not myself lately.
Juuuuust hoping this day looks up.

Blood On The Tracks

2010-07-28T07:02:00.000-07:00

The above article can be found here: http://www.foreignpolicy.com/articles/2010/07/23/blood_on_the_tracks

Totally worth browsing through. Beautiful and Haunting.

Boogers

2010-07-26T10:56:00.001-07:00

No point thoughts:

Super mega zombie status.

Should probably do work, but blogger sounds more exciting to me at the moment.

Everything bagels and aimlessly walking around in perfect weather with April.

Two pieces of my heart left my leetle home yesterday and I am feeling a bit incomplete knowing that when I get home they won't be waiting for me on my futon.

Working for someone you respect and admire makes such a significant difference then when you work with someone who typically says, "I aint gone none." My boss makes me want to be a better human.

On a health / work out kick starting today. (Right? Right)

August will be complete with: packing, age 23, packing, selling things, packing, reality, packing, new york, english muffin pizzas, adventures in the phat rabbit, packing, going away parties, eating and experiencing all things ohio before my dramatic life change.

Congratualtions to my best friend, nenna for landing the au-pair job she has been searching for! Next up, a work visa. (goot luck!!) So excited for your new experiences, adventures, and stories.

.......Ideas on how I can discretely sleep on the job are welcome.

California, Ohio, and New York

2010-07-20T10:59:00.000-07:00

That is going to be my week/weekend. Dave, my best friend from Fullerton, CA and Lisa, my bffl sm 4l (lolz) from Long Island will be in town as of tomorrow. Their presence will improve my quality of life by at least 90%. This is what I do while bored at work:

Thorougly looking forward to english muffin pizzas, giggle-gaggles all through the night, plenty of beer and whiskey, best friend sleepovers, and night time bike rides. This is exactly what I need right now. And a perfect early birthday / going away present.

Argentina Argentina Argentina !

2010-07-20T10:45:00.000-07:00

Taken from THE NEW YORKER.

July 16, 2010
Close Look: The Argentines Are All Right
Posted by Amy Davidson

How many people live in jurisdictions in which gay marriage is legal? A quarter of a billion. Nate Silver has a pretty chart (via Daily Dish). Silver also notes that
Right now, it’s possible to marry your same-sex partner in Buenos Aires, in Mexico City, in Ames, Iowa, and in Pretoria, South Africa, but not in San Francisco.
And not in New York; we’ve got to get on this one. It’s embarrassing.
One wonders, in the near future, what we will think of when we think of typical married gay and lesbian couples, given that somewhat eclectic mix of countries and states. (That should not be taken to diminish the solid relations in places that haven’t made their laws right yet.) The Times reports that the same-sex wedding-planning industry is up and running, so perhaps we will soon have some market-researched insights, if not answers.

I know, I know, Argentina decalred same sex marriage to be legal last week and I am just now getting around to posting about it. But with so many close friends that this affects and fills their heart with joy... it also fills my heart with immense joy! Especially because it is in Argentina, a part of one of the most Roman-Catholic-Conservative parts of the world. Is Colombia next? Doubtful. Seeing as Santos is the new elected president and my own mother still can't even explain why she doesn't agree with same sex marriage. Although she loves the gays? Oh the beauty of not knowing why you believe in something (I too, am guilty of the latter at times).

Since I am on the note Argentina, my cousin's in-laws brought this to me from their home in Buenos Aires:

MATE! (mah-teh) My memories of mate include spending time in my childhood best friend, Victoria's home, waking up early and walking down to the kitchen for a glass of water, only to find her dad sipping on this interesting bowl of goodness. I thought it was a drug for the longest time. Turns out is is just "yerba buena." Read more about mate on wikipedia http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mate_(beverage).

Disgusting.

2010-07-19T06:10:00.000-07:00

"Leaving aside debates about lives lost and billions of dollars spent, the war in Iraq alone is producing 43.3 million metric tons of carbon dioxide per year, they estimate. Of Americans’ daily consumption of about 19.4 million barrels in 2008, the year on which the study focused, about 2.4 million barrels of oil a was imported from the Middle East." -Matthew L. Wald, NY Times.

That is shameful and makes me want to physically throw things. WHY ARE WE SO WASTEFUL. I mean of course we've heard "this war is pointless, what are we doing there, yatata." But hitting hard home for me is just how much money, precious resources, and time we waste everyday compared to other countries on EVERYTHING. Someone please explain to me the reason to have 3 fridges in one home. Or 10 of everything. Or 20 shirts, exact same design, simply a different color. Now don't get me wrong, I'm guilty of being a bit lazy and wasteful as well, mainly with food and items I hoarde at home. But I will never understand the concept of buying in excessive bulk or XXL sodas. We are so lucky to have hot water! In the village where my mom is from in Colombia, I have vivid memories of having to wake up and shower in ice cold, pinched nerve sort of water. My mom figured out it would be a good idea to take a giant pot of water and boil it so I would stop crying in the metallic holocaust shower. Also, we have air conditioning ! With this hot hot summer in the United States, the air conditioning for the entire country is currently emitting more energy then the whole continent of Africa. That is absolutely mind blowing to me. However, our population is obviously much larger, but still...... mind blowing. I'm not sure what is powering this rant of mine. Maybe because my power has been out since last night?

Stole this from old friend wakey wakey, Marina G.

2010-07-19T06:03:00.000-07:00

"Hayuk's paintings, prints, drawings and photographs can range from tender mockeries of idealized social rituals such as hot tubbing or undressing, to transcendent portrayals of geometries giving way to nature. She was raised by Ukrainian immigrant parents in a Wonderbread suburb of Baltimore, converting to punk rock at an early age. After extensive travel throughout the US, Europe, U.S.S.R. and Northern Africa, Maya earned a BFA in Conceptual Art, New Genres and Philosophy studying in Boston, Toronto and Odessa, Ukraine."

I just really love this. All of the rad colors and wacky shapes make me feel like I'm in South America.. which is always a good feeling !

Kabuki Democracy - Eric Alterman

2010-07-15T10:05:00.000-07:00

"We live, as Tony Judt has written, in an "age of forgetting," and nowhere is this truer than in our political discourse. Rarely do we stop to remind ourselves that, as a New York Times editorial put it, Obama "took office under an extraordinary burden of problems created by President George W. Bush's ineptness and blind ideology." The economy was tanking: for the decade between 2000 and 2009, real growth was at its lowest point since the 1930s, and the fact that two-thirds of all economic gains went to the top 1 percent of the population meant stagnation at best for most workers, actual decline for many. Clear environmental threats had been allowed to fester. The Bush Justice Department was engaged in what appears to be widespread criminal action in a host of areas. We were fighting two wars, hamstrung by the hatred of most of the world's citizens, and operating torture chambers (and lying about it) across the globe. What's more, based on the theory of the "unitary executive" Bush and Cheney were claiming near dictatorial powers to ignore both houses of Congress and even the courts when it suited their purposes. What was his successor to do? Should he bail out the banks? Nationalize them? Break them up? Allow Detroit to die? Invite the firing of tens, possibly hundreds of thousands of teachers, police, firefighters and emergency workers by state and local governments strapped by falling tax revenues? Allow the deficit to explode or the economy to implode? Should he close Guantánamo and Bagram prisons? End rendition? Get out of Iraq? Reverse signing-statements? Outlaw domestic spying? Cut carbon emissions? And by the way, exactly how would he accomplish these things—and simultaneously? By legislation? By executive fiat? By magic? Believe me, I could go on."

Read the above article ...http://www.thenation.com/article/37165/kabuki-democracy-why-progressive-presidency-impossible-now. Totally worth the nine pages!

Jenny sans teeth weekend.

2010-07-11T23:29:00.000-07:00

My right bottom and top wisdom teeth were finally removed this past Friday after a struggle of finding insurance and battling between lying, needing to really get them out, money issues, etc. All for you, Peace Corps!!! (and I suppose for me in the end as well, psh)

I did a whole lot of ... nothing. Too much facebook stalking. Too much rolling my eyes at my mom while she was being precious and making me homemade soups and smoothies. And while she was also yelling at me about stains on my sweat pants and t-shirts. Over it.

Didn't read books like I said I would. Instead, compulsively browsed tumblr and added new tumblrs. Watched Uruguay vs. Germany, The Two Escobars, Alice in Wonderland, About six episodes of Roseanne, and Spain vs. Holland. Going to go ahead and say it. Soccer brings nations together like no other sport I have ever seen. And I will forever be confused at the passion for American football...maybe I should just learn the logistics? Or maybe I will just be biased and forever love futbol because of my family. And love how even in the most poor of countries, compost is used to make a goal and any measly ball works as a soccer ball. Cheesy moment.

Not going to work tomorrow. Whoops. Definitely not going to work since it is 2:41 AM....I'm still quite swollen. Stretched out funny looking skin. And why not continue my Bon Iver music marathon tomorrow morning?

Skinny Love

2010-07-11T23:27:00.000-07:00

On repeat on repeat.

Sometimes, I am just so happy sitting on my bed listening to music alone and laughing via internet conversation with my best friend Jenna. That moment is right now.

I feel blissfully happy right now for no reason. Isn't that the best?

Macedonian Brain.

2010-07-06T06:51:00.000-07:00

I have so much to do before I leave. It is extremely overwhelming. However, I am not going to let that get the best of me. Right? Right. This post is going to be random and scatter brained.

Well, I need to learn this thing:

Macedonian is ridiculous. There are random v's in words and i am going to sound crazy for awhile. Usually, in French, Italian, Portugese, and any other romance language, I can read the text and catch on to the meaning. Not in Macedonian....these words are like nothing I have ever heard before. Also, I can't help but always giggle when people ask me, "what language are you going to learn?" and i say, well.. Macedonian. Doesn't that sound fake?

Packing:

PACKING. Ahhhh. I am so terrified to begin this packing adventure. I need to pack up my life in boxes, find houses to store my random items in for 2 years, and weed out what I deem to be a neccesity for me to have while in Macedonia. The below items are recommendations from current Peace Corps volunteers.

A) An Osprey bag. These bags just look so cool and mountainous. Is it worth it to spend a week of Bravo money on this? I bet this bag has so many secret compartments. It is so tempting to splurge.

B) Measuring Cups- Good thing I am the owner of the gaggle of geese to the left. They are most definitely being wrapped in my clothes and coming along with me to Macedonia to measure out the ingredients for Baklava. And eclairs. and I still don't kow any other Macedonian delicacies.

C) Hiking boots- ALL HIKING BOOTS ARE SO UGLY. Including these. And these were the only ones I sort of liked. I am going to look like the realest dyke. Macedonia has a ton of mountain ranges, beautiful sights, etc. etc. I suppose it depends where I am placed after training if I will be hiking a lot or not. But I am sure the boots will come in handy at some point in my 27 months abroad. BUT THEY ARE SO UGLY.

I feel like I am going camping.

Also suggested was a can opener, potato peeler, dial soap because the soap there is really hard? Tampons, because only the cardboard kind exist... and only in big cities. A sleeping bag, pillow cases, deodarant, ziplock baggies....I have to bring clothes for every season. 100 lbs. of all my clothes for 27 months? This is going to be absolutely insane.

List of items I need to get rid of from my apartment:

1. Pointless clothes that I am never ever going to wear. In Columbus or in Macedonia.

2. My futon of love. Coffee Table. TV Table. Lamps. Big red chair. Computer desk. Computer chair.

3. What am I going to do with my bike? :( I want to bring my bebe.

I found a Macedonian bike site on facebook and got soooo stoked again about having a bike while I am there. I am not sure how my one speed bicicyle will manage in Macedonia though. Or how my set of deep-v wheels will look among the goats and babushkas.

I can't stop thinking about leaving. I just feel like there isn't much left to do in Columbus for me right now. Things have been sort of dragging. And extremely average. But then when I think about leaving I also think about how puffy and red my eyes are going to be while sitting on the plane waiting for it take off from Columbus. Ok enough about Macedonia ! For today at least.

I need to stop shopping at forever 21.

2010-07-06T06:34:00.000-07:00

Via New York Times Editorals
Editorial China, the Sweatshop Published: July 5, 2010

The labor strife spreading through China’s factory cities has clearly frazzled the government. Last month, it deployed Prime Minister Wen Jiabao, a k a “Grandpa Wen,” who told laborers at a Beijing subway station that the government and society “should treat migrant workers as they would their own children.”
China’s exploited workers don’t need an extra parent. They need higher wages, better working conditions and a chance to form independent unions. They need China to stop being sweatshop to the world.
Worker unrest has spread after reports of suicides at two campuses in southern China owned by Foxconn Technology, an electronics maker that employs 800,000 people in China who assemble products and parts for Western companies, including Apple, Dell and Hewlett-Packard. Since May 17, workers struck at three Chinese plants that make transmissions, exhausts and locks for Honda, the Japanese carmaker. There also have been reports of labor action in dozens of other factories.
Working conditions in too many of these factories are dismal, and the pay is, too. At the Pingdingshan Cotton Textile Company, The Toronto Star reported, workers make 65 cents an hour, working grueling two-day shifts, often in 100-plus degree heat. Workers at Honda Lock demanded a 70 percent raise from their $132-a-month wage. There are no independent unions allowed.
China, over all, has done well with its export-dependent strategy based on cheap labor and a cheap currency. Gross domestic product per person trebled over the last 10 years, to $7,200. The share of the population living on less than a dollar a day fell to 16 percent in 2005, from 36 percent in 1999. But China needs to move on.
Too much of the country’s prosperity has been absorbed by companies’ profits. Too little has gone to workers. Partly as a result, consumer spending in China amounts to merely 36 percent of its gross domestic product. In the United States, that percentage is more than 70 percent. In Europe and Japan, it is almost 60 percent.
China’s manufacturing sector can afford to pay higher wages. After the suicides, Foxconn suggested moving production of some Apple products to newer facilities in North and Central China where pay is cheaper than around the manufacturing hubs along the coast. But it also doubled wages at its Shenzen campus — to about $290 a month.
Rising wages and better working conditions are essential for China to become a more self-reliant economy, powered by domestic consumption. Until it treats its workers better, it has no chance of becoming a just and stable society.

Sometimes I feel so ungrateful. SIXTY FIVE MOTHER FUCKING CENTS A DAY? I also underestimate the hearts people have. A man at a convenience shop in the rhodes tower just gave me a free granola bar and pb crackers because I didn't have my cash on me and the credit card minimum was $5. I want to always appreciate what I have. SIXTY FIVE CENTS DAY????

Mango

2010-07-02T05:23:00.000-07:00

Today my day started off with:
Clogged ears
runny nose
uncontrollable coughing at 4am
losing my nose ring in the shower
and
A MANGO
which makes things so much better.

I'm about to read all of my news blogs. and then pretend to do my job but actually close my eyes and take a nap. Hoping I can leave work early today. Lay under my quilt at home with my lap top, get some rest, and maybe find some energy to venture out into fireworks (yes into them) later this evening.

Happy day!

Cough Cough.

2010-07-01T12:11:00.000-07:00

It has been awhile. But as of late, I have had a very strange urge to blog.
Blog. Blog. Blog. Blog. Blog. Blog.

All of the posts below this one are about Arvind. Oh my, how the times have changed. Arvind is now one of my best friends. and I tell him my deepest secrets. and I yell at him as if he were my son. And he still gives me the tightest and most meaningful hugs. But I don't cry about him anymore. And I am happy to give him girl advice. And he is happy to give me boy advice. And he can still say I have been one of the most important people in his life and always will be. Most importantly. I can say.. I AM NO LONGER SAD AND I AM NO LONGER JEALOUS. I want to scream that from the top of Mount Kilaminjaro. VICTORY, AT LAST!!!!!!!!

Today is my very best friend, soul mate, sister, and often times girlfriend's birthday. Not sure I could call myself sane or fun, or even FUNNY without a Jenna Huhn. Unfortunately on this blessed July 1st, 2010 I am a sick bird with watery eyes, phlegm explosion, and ears-a-poppin. Exciting! Hopefully this passes sooner then later.

So if I could make this poem more friend like I wish I could. I just think it is all of the pretty things and I wanted to post it somewhere:

i carry your heart with me(i carry it inmy heart)
i am never without it(anywherei go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fearno fate(for you are my fate,my sweet) i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you
here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;
which grows higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart
i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

Edward Estlin Cummings

I hope someone wants to tattoo that on their body in my name some day.

My mind has been a whirlwind lately. Not sure I am very happy about that. I'm usually just happiest when riding my bike. or when I am watching TV from my lap top under my quilt. Or when I am taking naps at Goodale park with my best friend. Or when the homeless guys selling their newspapers next to Dunkin Doughnuts give me high fives and gently smirk at me.

My life is going to dramatically change in 80 or so days. In 80 or so days I will be looking around me in dismay. and just nodding my head yes, or shaking it no. maybe will be looking and or feeling a little bit weird in my new city/town/village. i am hoping i will not be eating meat filled products. i also hope to have new friendships and bonds. new adventures. and new admirers. and to read an abundance of books. and to be possibly more creative then I ever have been. I hope leaving for 27 months with the Peace Corps to Macedonia is the right thing for me to do. I can't see what else could be better.

2009-08-21T10:08:00.001-07:00

You still make my heart hurt.

2009-08-03T06:06:00.000-07:00

Just went through my old posts and realized I am no where near as sad as it appears!
Today I start my new job!
My birthday is in one week!
I leave for California and Vegas for a magical journey with Dave and Jenna in a week in 5 days!
YAAAAAAAAAAY.

I'm lame.

2009-08-02T19:57:00.000-07:00

This week I worked close to fifty hours. Both of my parents are in South America, and although I support myself minus my cell phone bill, I still like knowing that I can ask my dad for some support if I am feeling a bit squeezed. I haven't had that option and therefore have been absolutely terrified about money. I have JUST enough for rent and this next week I am going to be living off very minimal money. Since I start my new job tomorrow I have to wait for a paycheck and won't be making cash at Bravo this week. I'm pretty nervous. I think I'm going to have to reach to alternate ways of making money like selling clothes, plasma, my body.

My feelings have been so conflicted lately. And last night my feelings became even more so conflicted. I don't particularly know what Arvind was trying to pull with his shananigans. Even though he was past a healthy drunk point, things were said, and my mind got to thinking. I've put myself in weird situations with many people lately. I haven't felt close to much of anyone.

My birthday is next week and I feel like it isn't going to be all that exicitng. Which is fine. I just wish I had something to look forward to.

I can't wait for my mom to come home. These times are when I appreciate my family the most. And these are the times I just want to pack up and do the things I say I want to (join the peace corps, travel south america, etc.). Maybe I really will in a few months.

One day I will make a happy post, but lately I just have weird feelings and unsettling thoughs.

2009-07-17T09:28:00.000-07:00

I'm sick of you making me sad.
and acting one way in public.
and a different way when we're apart from eachother.
you broke my heart and your breaking it all over again.
There is something between us, and I hold unfortunate hopes in these dumb actions we show one another.
I've had my distractions but nothing has been enough. I need to learn to be content alone.

2009-07-02T20:14:00.001-07:00

2009 sucks so far.

weird.

2009-07-02T10:55:00.000-07:00

Will these weird feelings ever go away? Really great always turns into really weird for me.
I've had a headache/anxious brain for two straight days now and it is really wearing on me.
Vacation, please.

runs house and random thoughts.

2009-06-29T20:14:00.000-07:00

Why is this show so entertaining to me? It is probablly really boring for most people, but it entertains me way too much.

I just ran 3 miles after work. I could be the most angry, unhappy, dissatisfied person ever and running would make me feel better for atleast ten hours.

I drank two cups of black coffee this morning on an empty stomach and got oddly anxious and nervous. That feeling is hard to describe, but I absolutely hate it.

I'm horribly sick of being at work constantly... and on top of that, just not making a whole lot of money in the past week. A waste of time and energy and even worse, just knowing friends are out having a blast. While I'm being terribly undertipped and getting one table in three hours.

I'm at my mom's keeping her company since she is a lonely bird and she just called me out for something I can't control. Despite how much I love my mother, being around someone who is so dependent on me is eternally frustrating.

I wish my goal of reading thirty books this summer, turning into a crafty girl, and spending less money was coming true?

Still happy despite a weird feeling sort of day.

pund cake

2009-06-25T12:54:00.000-07:00

Pound cake is really great. It is even better with coffee, and that is currently how I am enjoying my pound cake. While watching soccer. How ethnic of me.

Thus far, this summer has been awesome. And only more exciting things are going to happen.
(a) comfest this weekend!
(b) Jenna's birthday week
(c) Brasil or South Africa vs. the U.S. this Sunday. Yeah, I am excited about it whatevs.
(d) More bike rides
(e) July 4th?? Maybe?? What is even happening that weekend? Atleast Get Right is on Friday that will make for a good start to the weekend.
(f) Colombia's independence day is July 20th which means loud Colombians, abundance of food, and lots of dancing.
(g) Jenna and I'd musch deserved vacation to visit DAVE!! and being super plush in Vegas for two days courtesy of my brother in law's badass job. I think Jenna and I are staying at the Monte Carlo, if not the Bellagio. And it WILL be like the Hangover.
(h) Lollapalooza!!! which better work out.
(j) obviously, my birthday.
I am done making this list.
I haven't felt so giddy in years. And I've never felt so appreciated and am realizing how important the little things are. I'm a happy girl.

2009-06-14T05:47:00.001-07:00

Today is a big day for me.
Why do I care that you're not going to be a part of it?

New Beginnings

2009-05-29T17:38:00.000-07:00

So many things are going to be changing for me soon.
1. I move next weekend!! Just down the street from where I live now. However, due to the awkward situation of my parking lot, I feel as though I will be moving to a new neighborhood. (atleast I hope that is how I will feel!) Sometimes I get really excited about being able to decorate a new space, put up new pictures and decorations, and make a mark somewhere else. But then I get down on how comfortable my current apartment is right now, how many awesome parties have been held there, and just all the memories that I have here. I will most likely be a ball of emotions the day I move, but I know that I am moving for the better! And for my sanity...

2. I'm graduating in sixteen days?? I can't believe that is real. I can't believe I did it in four years? I cannot wait to have some time off school readings and scheduled class times. The last year at OSU has definetly been the best for me. D.C obviously topped it off, but so have the classes I've been taking. Mostly Latin American Politics.
I love the questions I get everyday about my future such as: what's next in life? what can you even do with a political science degree? are you going to work at a bank? It dissapoints me that society has no hope in political science majors! I can proudly say that no, I do not have a job lined up. And no, I am not going to graduate school next year. But I am going to go on a "personal journey" and yes, I will eventually go to grad school. And I have never doubted the passion I have for international politics, and I know that my drive will lead me to a career some day. But I am in no rush. I have all these crazy ideas for the year I will have to myself. I hope I can save enough money to go to South America for two months. I really want to go to Putumayo in Colombia, and to spend time in Bolivia with indigenous populations. I am hoping I can eventually write my dissertaion on those populations. I haven't told too many people, but if all goes as planned, I will be going into the Peace Corps a year and a few months from now. It doesn't seem real considering a lot can happen in a year, and I have natural fright of being away for such an extended period of time. I need to suck it up, and remember that this is an opportunity that I have always wanted to take advantage of and it is only going to accelerate my future... and not to mention give me an irreplaceable connection to an unfamiliar community.

Graduation weekend is going to be ridiculously stressful for me because my whole family is coming into town. I am totally excited to see them but I know it is going to be overwhelming, and I am positive my mom and I are going to get in no less then ten fights over miniscule things that weekend.

3. This is my hope of cutting off all connection, or as much connection as I can with my past relationship. I won't lie that I have been holding unnecessary hopes for the past month and a half. The first two weeks were smooth sailing for me, and then everything became dreary and I truly felt alone for the first time in years. I've recently made the attempt of dealing with our close living quarters, and just suck it up and be his friend. I've found that this isn't possible. After every nice, meaningful, somewhat cute comment said to me, I create things in my head that could be the future... that never will be.
When we are around each other it is still tense. We still look at one another the way we used to, and we still have the same "what's yours is mine" mentality as people have in relationships. But along with those feelings I can tell you are doing everything you can to push the emotion out and convince yourself that you couldn't ever make me happy enough, so the logic of giving up seems a lot better than the logic of trying to improve yourself as a person. If logic is better to you then emotion then please avoid reminding me of things that once connected us and made us closer and made us as happy as we once were. Forget all of those things and don't text me to remind me.
I need to pull away from those situations even if it means having to temporarily cut off friendships. It's hard to not wish in that fairytale that "I can change him." I have to face that I can't change anyone. No matter how connected we were, and how many memories we have, I can only be an influence. I still question my strength in the relationship and if I gave up too soon. But I need to remind myself that I am worth more then I was recieving.
I'm becoming more comfortable with the idea of being alone, taking gadvantage of this time to myself, meeting new people in a non-love sort of way, but a simple friendship/deep connection way. I am hoping for so many exciting things this summer, and I will hopefully slowly mend my heart throughout this time. I still lay in bed at night and in the morning wishing the spot next to me weren't empty. But my goal this summer is to learn to embrace that emptiness. I still have a lot of work to do.

2009-05-03T20:56:00.000-07:00

weird feelings.
still lonely.
fat weekend.
unproductive.
drunk.
fun.
colombian love ballads.
new apartment?
totally ready for a new apartment.
totally ready to not be a stalker anymore.
totally ready to graduate.
south america trip plz.
lack creativity.
where to find it?
i need to go to bed.

2009-04-26T20:32:00.001-07:00

I have a problem with being alone.
Not alone in my house or alone at the mall or alone at the gym or alone walking somewhere.
Alone in terms of companionship and having the comfort of simply knowing you were always there.
I keep trying to find ways to entertain myself but most of the time it doesn't work.
I don't feel creative, motivated, or driven whatsoever. I've been blankly staring at my notecards and notebook for the past two hours and can safely say that these two hours have been completely wasted.
I never knew how dependent I have been on someone else for the past six years. I thought I was stronger and more independent then most people I know. This situation has proven me wrong.

Projects.

2009-02-23T20:47:00.000-08:00

I always say I want to do diy projects at home, but these thoughts never seem to be executed...

I want to make a headboard like so! I need a wall like so first.Yes, please! I want to make these.
I want a cute place like this to sit in and feel extremely organized.
How fun! I want to make one of these.

My computer is close to overheating and turning off so I have to stop here.

Starvin Arvind

2009-02-07T10:03:00.000-08:00

My boyfriend, Arvind is someone all can admire. Beginning this past Monday, him and seven other students from around the country began a fast for the atrocities that have recently taken place against innocent Tamil civilians in Sri Lanka.
Honestly, when he first told me about it I thought he was out of his mind. However, these past five days he has been patiently resisting all temptations of food for his beliefs and to speak out for the people of his parents' country, and I have only grown to love him and admire him more after these five days. All eight of them have work, school, and other daily tasks they must take care of, and are somewhat impeding their lives for a chance to reach out to those unaware and uninformed about the situation.
You should visit http://www.pearlaction.org/fast/ to find out more about the other seven who are taking a part of this fast, and maybe skip a salad or sammich just once or twice for them!
Also, I know everyone loves M.I.A who is from Sri Lanka. She recently spoke up about the genocide:

January 21, 2009
War at what Cost?
Posted: 04:59 PM ET
An elderly Sri Lankan man sits under posters on a street in Colombo on January 4, 2009, featuring an image of Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapakse and hailing the military's capture of the Tamil Tiger political headquarters.
An elderly Sri Lankan man sits under posters on a street in Colombo on January 4, 2009, featuring an image of Sri Lankan President Mahinda Rajapakse and hailing the military's capture of the Tamil Tiger political headquarters.

M.I.A.
Musician

While there is no room in the world for terrorist organizations, their defeat cannot come at the expense of thousands of innocent civilian lives.

The greatest failing of the Bush administration’s “war on terror” is not its inability to meet its prime objectives (e.g. capturing Osama Bin Laden, eradicating the threat of WMDS in Iraq, and removing Al Qaeda from Afghanistan). Rather, it is that America has given credibility to the act and the notion of pursuing terrorists at all costs.

The Bush administration has decided to ignore the very tenets of democracy (the U.S. constitution, Geneva convention, among others) in pursuit of winning the “war on terror.” In doing so, it sent a very clear message to the rest of the world: all bets are off where terrorism is involved.

Today, we can clearly see the ripple effect. In Sri Lanka, my home country, the Colombo government has massacred hundreds of thousands of civilians in order to eliminate the threat posed by a small yet defiant group widely known as the Tamil Tigers (also known as the LTTE or Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam). Make no mistake, the LTTE have engaged in reprehensible terrorist activities that have needlessly taken the lives of both civilians and heads of state. The LTTE’s use of child soldiers and suicide bombers is unconscionable, and has rightly been condemned by the international community. But now the eyeglass must turn to the Colombo government as the conflict enters its 25th year. The war has resulted in what many humanitarian groups are now calling genocide. And sadly, for the Tamil people, time is running out.

Just last month, the New York-based Genocide Prevention Project released a report that listed Sri Lanka among the top eight “red alert” countries currently experiencing genocide conflicts. And Human Rights Watch estimates that between 230,000 to 300,000 Tamil people have been trapped in the Vanni conflict zone by the government, denied food and basic living essentials.

Unfortunately, the truth of the matter is that no one knows how severe the crisis is because the Sri Lankan government has barred foreign media from reporting on the subject and severely limited the presence of humanitarian organizations. And worse, as demonstrated by the recent murder of Lasantha Wickramatunga, a Sri Lankan journalist critical of the war against the LTTE, those that question the government are putting their lives in jeopardy.

Yet other than the UN’s slap-on-the-wrist gesture of stripping Sri Lanka of its seat on the Human Rights Council in May of 2008, the World has remained silent about this emerging humanitarian crisis. What is even more disconcerting is that the global mainstream media has largely ignored the Tamil civilian causalities, and has actually praised the Sri Lankan government for “running an effective military campaign.” Additionally, somewhere along the way the media has managed to portray every Tamil as a Tamil Tiger, including myself.

Fortunately, this month brings a close to the Bush administration and its war on terror at all costs. President Barack Obama announced that he will issue an executive order on his first week in office to close the Guantanamo Bay prison facility – which has long become a symbol of the administration’s indifference to how it wins this war. But for the Tamil people in Sri Lanka, there is little hope that the Colombo government will change its policies.

We must be clear: acts of terrorism are deplorable and cannot be tolerated by any government, but to actively seek out the killing of innocent civilians, under the guise of fighting terror is absolutely indefensible. Governments must hold themselves to a higher standard.

Editor’s Note: Maya Arulpragasam (known as M.I.A.) is a music artist whose song “Paper Planes” received a 2009 Grammy nomination for Record of the Year. She was born in England to Tamil parents and fled the war in Sri Lanka after living there for ten years. She currently lives in the United States.
Credit: http://ac360.blogs.cnn.com/2009/01/21/war-at-what-cost/

Home!

2008-12-07T20:16:00.000-08:00

Here I am! Driving into Ohio territory and seeing the Ohio sign makes me giddy every time.
I'm totally pumped to be home, but I have a feeling I'm going to be lonely here and there. Considering I lived with 13 other people in D.C. I honestly thought I was going to hate my living arrangement. But that never happened. I never became sick of everyone, or felt like going home wasn't really home. I feel like a lot of people have a lot of adjusting to do when they move away for a quarter or semester. But I didn't. I got along with every single one of my roommates. Naturally, I had annoyances and wishes to be alone for an hour or whatever, but I never got sick of coming back to a full house. Now I sit here on a Sunday night at my mom's house, wishing I could go home and see all of my roommates like I've been doing for the past two months. Living with so many people made me appreciate and embrace all of our differences.. most of the time.. and I can cheesily say that it has helped me grow as a person.
Living on Capitol Hill was insane. The election was one of the best experiences I've had. I drunkenly ran down to a Capitol Hill bar from my house just a few minutes before they announced Ohio as a win for Obama, and from that moment on everything went crazy. Every morning I woke up I saw the Capitol and the Supreme Court. I rode a metro to and from work(I'm going to hate driving now) and walked all of the time. I loved being able to people watch throughout my commute, sprint to the metro before it left me almost everyday, run into everyone on the metro with my abundance of bags,etc. The metro makes me want to live in a city. Is that weird? It makes an atmosphere so much more exciting.
I interned at the Council on Hemispheric Affairs which is a Latin American policy research group made up of ALL interns and our lunatic, eighty year old director, Larry Birns. My first day was one of the worse days of my life. I was assigned a letter to the editor, and I had no I idea what I was supposed to do, and was given no direction. I stared at the computer screen for a good two hours and forced myself not to cry from my frustration. It was probably a poorly written letter, and I'm not even sure that it ever got published. But from that moment on, I learned so much about writing, words, and Latin American policy. I was able to publish three of my pieces at COHA, and was able to build on my foreign policy knowledge. I interned with people from all over the world; Italy, China, Taiwan, California, Hawaii, Honduras, Pennsylvania, Nebraska.... and slowly everyone bonded, learned from each others writings, and became comfortable enough with one another to constantly make fun of ridiculous Larry.

I already miss D.C.

But I am completely happy to be home, and to be able to reconnect with everyone and have an awesome winter break.
However, winter break brings the time to be closer to June/graduation, and I'm not sure I'm ready to take my life totally seriously yet since I'm debating whether to apply for the Peace Corps and/or Teach for America.
This is another long, and drawn out subject to talk about.
More on that later.

Crazy Calabaza

2008-11-03T11:32:00.000-08:00

It was so awesome to go home this weekend. Even though I saw my friends for a short amount of time on Friday night, it made my heart content.
Halloween ended up being exactly what I wanted it to be. Highball was ridiculous, and I am so impressed with the city of Columbus' development in the past ten years. More people are coming to Columbus for special events, and I love to see the city growing. It sadly makes it harder for me to want to grow up and get out.
I somehow convinced Arvind and Mike to join me at Get Right for the Halloween madness. Other then Mike losing his keys, it was a successful, Kelis and Nas dance filled night.

I wish I lived at closer distances from my family so I could partake in events such as these:

That is my insanely cute baby cousin, Emma who lives in New York.

On an election note,
HOW IS IT TOMORROW?? I have been covering this since January 2007, and I cannot belive that a new president is going to be elected tomorrow. D.C's atmosphere on this election is not as hyped up as I thought it would be. Obviously, most of the coverage is in the battleground states, and what does two electoral votes mean to Obama or McCain? Not much. However, I suppose everyone is in their offices furiously working on articles and preparing for the big day. D.C better be on fire tomorrow!

MOST IMPORTANTLY, VOTE. Shutup for the next four years if you don't vote.

Me!

2008-10-17T12:16:00.000-07:00

Friends,
Go to www.coha.org to read my first piece at the Council on Hemispheric Affairs! I will hopefully be getting something up there pretty often. (I imagine biweekly after editing and what not)
Also, it finally feels like fall today, yippeeeeeeeee.
Final thing,

I'm a pusher? What does that even mean?

2008-10-16T13:40:00.000-07:00

So, this video is cheesy... almost too cheesy. But it makes me weirdly happy and makes me want to go back to Colombia asap. The little girls voice is sometimes too much too handle, but watch itttt!

Wooo, first blog.

2008-10-14T12:18:00.000-07:00

Since I'm far away from home, I suppose an update on my life from time to time would be a good idea. And the fact that I sit at a desk for eight hours 4 out of the 7 days of the week gives me another reason to break from researching!

I just walked to Dupont Circle and had lunch with pigeons. Dupont Circle is two blocks from where I work and it's surrounded by benches, chess tables and a giant fountain in the middle. All sorts of people gather there at lunch time and eat, read, talk loudly on their phone, etc. etc. The chess tables are hilarious because there are an array of businessmen playing chess with scandalous homeless men. It's ridiculous. This morning I woke up and felt like I had been pounded with ten bricks in my sleep. This has led me to have zero motivation at work today. I just finised writing a brief about El Salvador's elections, and next I have to work on a country brief. I've been staring at the list of possible countries I can write about for awhile now, and have only researched two or three of the countries. Helping with my mood is a bit of homesickness I'm feeling due to being in Columbus over the weekend. I am absolutley in live with D.C, but sometimes wish I had better company. I'm still getting settled into work, and I'm not sure if that's normal since I have been here for over two weeks now. I haven't closely connected with anyone I work with quite yet, and living with eleven people is entertaining, but I wish I could focus on work more often when I need to do it. I know this experience is going to be worth while (and I swear I do like it), but all the changes are still sinking in.

On a lighter note,
I'm going to a vineyard in Notheren Virginia on Sunday and I am soooo incredibly excited. The last time I went to a vineyard I was ten, and visited Napa, California. Being ten years old in a vineyard amounts to excess complaining and no fun.

oh and,

even Fidel Castro knows how to pose for senior pictures.